Values

Calm…

I work to maintain a calm, yet engaged environment for the client to explore their experiences, beliefs, and insights. Research in neuroscience teaches us that when our nervous systems are calm and engaged, neither too upregulated or down-regulated, we have the greatest access to our own internal resources. In this state we are best able to fully understand ourselves, learn, and create change if we desire.

Compassion…

Through both study and personal practice I have come to understand that self-compassion is foundational for mental health, relationship, and personal growth. Self-compassion allows us to examine ourselves honestly, with open-hearted curiosity, so that we can see ourselves clearly and realistically so as to better understand how and where to make changes in our lives. Self-compassion allows us to bypass our defenses such as self-criticism, denial, and arrogance so that we can see the full picture of ourselves and our context, not just the parts or perspectives we are most comfortable with. Similarly, self-compassion is foundational for deep compassion for others, as what we are able to understand and accept in ourselves we are more easily able to understand and accept in others. And when we can hold both self-compassion and other-compassion simultaneously, holding healthy boundaries becomes almost effortless.

Connection…

Creating a connection with clients so that they feel fully seen, understood, and accepted is the mechanism by which research shows us therapy heals. In addition, supporting clients in cultivating healthy connections in other relationships in their lives helps clients create lives where they feel supported, accepted, and loved for exactly who they are, and can feel safe being vulnerable and authentic with the important people in their lives.

Curiosity…

Curiosity is the antidote to judgmentalism, which is a highly limited and and often incomplete perspective. When we are judgmental of ourselves or others, we are often reducing highly complex people or situations to a single quality or concept, with the frequent addition of the solution to the problem being “just stop being that way”. Not once have I encountered a situation where this advice was useful or even possible. In contrast, when we step away from the seduction of labeling things as right or wrong, good or bad, and step into curiosity, we can see the fullness and complexity of it all, make better informed evaluations, and thereby find more precise and effective solutions.

Empowerment…

I am not the gatekeeper of psychology, insight, or personal wisdom. Rather, my central aim is to give clients tools, opportunities, and insights they can use to make decisions and take actions that they believe are best for them. My goal is not to be the trusted advisor or guide for someone, but to help them grow in a way that allows them to trust themselves and empower them to step into their own values and aspirations rather than trying to meet any external standards, including my own.

Groundedness…

Groundedness, whether we come to it through meditation, physical activity, or mindful awareness, is key in creating a calm nervous system and a healthy brain. I believe it is the therapist's responsibility to be grounded in session so as to be a resource for the client, as well as to teach the client how to get in touch with their body and nervous system so as to create access to their own calm, regardless of what emotional state they might find themselves in. Holding the fullness of our emotional experience with a calm nervous system enables us to make well-informed, thoughtful decisions that are more likely to be in our best interests.

Humor…

Humor is an important tool I use in session and while teaching to help us hold lightly parts of ourselves that we may take too seriously or allow to weigh us down. A certain kind of playfulness helps us approach ourselves from a different perspective, often making issues that seem impossibly challenging suddenly take on surprising ease. Humor helps us integrate hard truths and understand complex ideas more easily, and often helps us build relationships with deeper authenticity.

Understanding…

One of the most useful benefits of compassion, curiosity, and humor is that they help facilitate understanding of ourselves, in both senses of the words. We can understand why we do and feel what we do, and accept ourselves as we are. Understanding doesn’t mean complacency or that if we accept ourselves we stop trying to grow, it means that we have a clear sense of ourselves that we can love and accept without having to change, which is, paradoxically, essential to creating meaningful change in ourselves and our lives.